Don’t chase happiness, choose it

Happiness is like a butterfly: the more you chase it, the more it will elude you; but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder.

– Henry Thoreau

The quote itself says a lot. But it took me years to understand its real meaning. Everyone wants to be happy, well, nothing wrong with this. We all want a happy life. Everyone keeps telling us that we need to be happy. But how? How do you describe happiness?

We spent most of our life chasing this fleeting emotion and put in all the effort. We were taught that happiness tied up in the milestones of life.

Since our childhood, we were advised to work hard, push ourselves to achieve our goals to be happy in life. We took it seriously. We set a goal and make it the center of life. We started thinking, achieving the goal is the only thing that can make us happy and relaxed.

Throughout my schooling days, I saw my fellows pushed their limits to beat the goal set by their parents. How tensed they become if they miss something. As I grew up, the race becomes much more onerous. And I always wonder why they weren’t happy. Thankfully, I wasn’t part of the race. It’s not like I don’t have goals, but I don’t have much pressure. Well, all thanks to my parents.

It does not end after school. Goals keep changing from time to time. Taking admission to a good college, gaining good grades, being selected for a high-paying job, doing good at work, getting a promotion, salary hike, and things continue. It’s a never-ending cycle. And we keep pushing ourselves again and again.

It reminds me of the dialogue of the movie 3-idiots. “Life is a race … If you don’t run fast… you will be like a broken andaa…”

At some point in my life, it happens to me as well. I surrounded my life with a goal and started measuring my happiness with my achievements. I was always thinking about how to chalk up my aims to pursue a happy life. I abandoned many things in my life. Or I am not wrong if I say that I string my happiness to my goals. Initially, I felt energized. Every time I took a step forward, I felt more encouraging.

But slowly, I stop enjoying my life. My small achievements couldn’t make me happier. I always think about what next? I started blaming myself for being relaxed or doing what I loved to do. I was haunted by my guilts of not giving my best. I made my life miserable. And at that point, I realized that something is not right with my life.

For me, this light bulb moment is the most painful realization of my life. In order to achieve my goals, I missed many things in the process. I hurt my feelings. I took myself away from my loved ones. And, most disheartening, I forgot the ultimate goal of my life, HAPPINESS.

After this wake-up call, I stopped thinking much about my life goals. I start observing how I feel. I started giving more time to myself. And I get to know that I was in self-deception that my happiness is in my control.

But, finally, I have made this realization that happiness is not our achievement. It’s the way, the journey we choose. It’s how we live our life. Happiness is the constant process of growing, making mistakes, redefining our life purpose, taking rest, and loving yourself for what and who you are.

No, I am not saying that having a life goal isn’t a good thing. Everyone should have a purposeful life. We should work hard to fulfill our dreams. But we need to learn the process. We should not centralize our lives around our goals. We need to understand that happiness is not the end result.

When I stop chasing happiness, I got more clarity about what exactly happiness is?

We don’t need to pursue it. It’s under our heels. So, don’t run after it. Experience everything life offer. Allow yourself to feel every emotion. Happiness is not the absence of negativity and failure. They are too part of our life.

Don’t let others define what happiness is? Happiness is different for everyone. Trying to fit in the social definition of happiness will give you nothing but anxiety, stress, and disappointment.

So, it’s time to rephrase HAPPINESS.

Dance the grasp out.

Relax, take a break.

Set goals, but embrace the journey and everything, including your failures.

Happiness is right here, at this moment. Don’t run after its shadow.

I still have dreams and goals. But I detach the string of my happiness from my achievements. I let myself define what makes me happy. I allow every emotion to paint the blank canvas of my life(and the picture has every color that describes my life beautifully).

I understand life will never be perfect. But I know today is the perfect time to be happy, not tomorrow.

Stop chasing. Instead, start creating happiness in every little moment.

Happiness is not something you chase and catch. It is something you choose.

– Steven Aitchison